The fear of falling

It is strange how some fears sneak up on you over the years. As a child I was never afraid to fall, I climbed trees and on occasion would fall out of one, but I would never climb a tree or on a rooftop with any fear. I have practiced the art of falling for over twenty years in Aikido and there I came across the fear more than once. The way you practice falling in Aikido is to slowly build up skills and courage and it results in spectacular falls and a lot of fun.

I remember falling off my bike once in the middle of a crowded street, one of those strange accidents when you try to avoid one, I rolled off my bike onto the street and onto my bike again in a very controlled fashion. When I turned around to see if no one got hurt I only saw stunned faces and a big smile appeared on my face as I rode off. 

When you have practiced falling, or any art like that, the body just takes over, leaving mind to watch the whole thing in slow motion and do the commentaries. So one part of me is very confident when it comes to falling, fearless in fact, it trusts itself completely to know what to do and to step up as I need it.  Then there is another part of me that fears falling, that tells me how bad it all can become when I would fall. When I’m quiet and try to find that part  in me I find something as big as a marble and just as smooth, I can rationalize it away with ease if I wanted to, but I suspect it has a function.

This smooth marble like fear can explode within a split second and like an ink capsule spread through my body in no time at all, I feel my muscles tens, my heart skips a beat, and my mind start racing and in the over excited voice of a sports commentator starts telling me what could go wrong. When I’m alone and fear strikes it is easy to have it subside, just step away from the ledge and you´ll be fine. But when you are on a horse you know in the same split second that your fear will become her fear in the next split second. The same is true when your horse gets struck by fear, it’s like lightning and will strike you too.

I think the trick is not to deny fear, the risk of falling is real and even superman did get into serious trouble,  nor try to contain it, containing it will make it jump around like a box of frogs. But instead let it pass through you like lighting through a lightning rod, in one end, out the other, trust yourself to take appropriate action based on skill and circumstances and relax. Now this is easier said than done, but it is like any skill practice makes perfect  and a little awareness goes a long way.